Unsociably social

I've spent most the time since the pandemic in a remote / hybrid position at work, which I now swear by and do not want to change, and while it has a incredible high number of benefits it also has really deep downs. I, personally, have found that the most striking change is how my social interaction has changed. I'm by no means antisocial or lacking in the social behavioral rules department, but I've noticed how slow, for lack of a better word, I've become. It's like I'm out of condition in my conversational skills, like there's a little delay on my responses, and –while I feel this comes with me being older, more in touch now with other people's sensibility, trying be a little bit more professional and in a leadership role now that requires me to be an example– I may be overthinking it, but I think other people can notice it, too. I feel like I need to improve my conversational cardio somehow.

Not that everything is bad. This delay I'm mentioning has given me, more times than not, the opportunity to come up with clever remarks, align my ideas before speaking and steel my resolve when asking for something. I want to believe this is a perk of growing up, more than a deficit from lack of social interaction. Who knows?

Now, on my online life I feel things are changing, too. I've always been the early adopter of most social networks and apps. Always out there trying to find what's new, what's different and –honestly– somewhere that feels a little bit more catered for my social needs and ways. This attitude of mine usually came with a little bit of mocking from my closest, more tech-y friends, who used to laugh about how I was everywhere but never used anything, like, I have Instagram, but there used to be a 2 year gap between my posts... Anyways, I still haven't found a place to call home completely –I miss you so much, 2010's Twitter– but I know now what I want to get from each app better than never. I can summarize my whole internet experience with this phrase: I'm online all the time, I'm just not available for you all the time. I want my time online to be mine and if I decide to share something with you, I make that choice. I don't really feel any social pressure from friends and less so from influencers. And you'll be surprised how much of a shock that is to normal people.

The funny juxtaposition

There's one thing I've been thinking for a while now, and that's just how I –who doesn't particularly considers itself as a sociable, outgoing person– have turned out to be one of the most active members of my friend groups. You know, the typical guy who's always asking "hey, are you free? wanna hang?" The whole thing is funny to me because, if anything, I would describe myself as a try-hard introvert —trying really hard to be an extrovert–, you know, I have this whole fake it 'til you make it kind of vibe going on for myself and I'd say it has helped.

I've a really small social circle, mostly because I like my friends to be real friends and, secondly, because my social batteries run out quickly. I'm a little bit awkward and often reflect about my interactions –often repeating mistakes in my mind, teaching myself not to make them again– which I'd assume would surprise some of my friends who wouldn't think of me like that. Guess we all have those kind of secrets? Anyway, the social thing: I'm the one gathering my friends around, even when I'm I don't consider myself social. Would this apply, too, to my friends whom I regard as highly social? Do they think of themselves as awkward and socially compromised? Food for thought.

The not-so-funny misunderstanding

Of course, I have to live with the consequences of managing my social –mostly on the digital side, but also physical– life like that. I'm guessing by now we all suffer from the same illnesses, so you can imagine how many people gets upset when you don't reply instantly to whatever bullshit, empty or brain rot message / reel / link they send you. It may be a generational thing by now, but taking time to get back to something / someone doesn't equal disinterest. Other times in history, taking time to analyze, elaborate and compose a reply was regarded as thoughtful and the correct way of doing things. Not so much now, when everything feels immediate.

There's a lot to write –and research– about the lack of patience people suffer nowadays that that by itself could be, maybe, a hundred of different posts, so I won't even try to, but it's important to bring it up. Separately from the this topic.

For me, it's simple. I have one rule regarding Instagram –I don't use TikTok. I simply don't get it. I am a boomer like that– reels, posts or messages: I reply to all of them whenever I feel like it. Whether it's waiting for them to accumulate, so I see a bunch in one sweep, or waiting for the end of the day to see them all and then reply. Of course I've missed important shit, but... Was it really important, though? If it was, I'd assume you would text me, call me or somehow highlight the importance of that in a more obvious way than an Instagram attempt of communication.

I like to think that text messages have more weight in communication than social network's messages, but, then again, I've also suffered from that misunderstanding. And calling? Pretty much forbidden by societal standards. E-mails? Hahaha. Only for wedding invites.

I just want to close this post by saying that in this digital age, interaction, or engagement, is how we communicate. And we all feel like influencers on somebody else's life... even if it's our friends'.